Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
