I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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