well I can't set my house on fire every night
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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