why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
