so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
