Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
