Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Randomize
