Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
