About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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