I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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