Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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