mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
