Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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