I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
