my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
