I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
