I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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