My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
