I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
