his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
