Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
