I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I cannot find my penis.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
