Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
