remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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