Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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