is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
