I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
