She announced her abortion via fbk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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