you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
