ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
