I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
