why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
