it's not cheating when I paid for it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize