I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
