I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Mom said you looked used
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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