am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
