oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
