Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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