Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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