I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
