I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
