so explain again why im purple
no
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
