Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
