Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
