did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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