I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
