Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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