someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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