Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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