she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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