So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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