I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
