Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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