it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
