Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
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