I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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