I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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