he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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