Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
