woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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