Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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