Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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