does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
