you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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