I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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