why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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