HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
