He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
