I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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