she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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